Ever had date night with the dog food?
Today in Tennessee Segment 7/13/26
I'm Daniel Wagner with the Patriot Punk Network, giving you the latest Tennessee news in 3 minutes or less.
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Let's Go!!
Round 1
The Tennessee Highway Patrol is about to make “lead foot” season a little less fun.
Starting today, be on the lookout as the Tennessee Highway Safety Office and THP are kicking off “Operation Southern Slow Down,” a multi‑state push to crack down on speeding from July 13th through July 18th—right when fatal crash rates are highest across the Southeast.
This is the 10th year for the campaign, and the focus is major highways and other high‑risk routes, with extra speed enforcement and “safe driving tips” designed to keep Tennessee roadways from turning into demolition derbies.
So, that stretch where you normally do 85 in a 65 is about to become very expensive.
THP says the goal is to reduce crashes and protect the people of Tennessee, which I believe—but it’s also a reminder that the radar guns don’t take vacations.
So if you’re hitting the road this week (I know I am), remember: it’s called “Southern Slow Down,” not “Southern See‑If‑You‑Can‑Outrun‑The‑Trooper.”
Round 2
Madison PD says C‑Shift officers got called to Walmart overnight after employees reported someone had broken into the store and was actively trashing merchandise.
Staff cleared the sales floor and hunkered down in a secure area—because when you work night shift at Walmart, “weird” has a very specific meaning.
Officers go in and find the suspect: a 26‑year‑old Madison man, completely nude, lying on a pallet of dog food like he’s auditioning to be the new Purina Dog chow mascot (not a paid sponsorship)
Next, they move to take him into custody, he bolts through the clothing department, ironically sprinting past a wall of Wrangler jeans with no pants on.
So now he's facing disorderly conduct, public intoxication, vandalism, aggravated criminal trespass, and some extra bonus charges for his late‑night modeling shoot (see bodycam footage, anyone?)
Incidents like this are the perfect reminder that officers never know what they’re walking into on any given shift: sometimes it’s a burglary, sometimes it’s a buck-naked kibble cuddler.
If you want a good laugh, I *fully* recommend checking out the comments on the Madison PD Facebook page.
That's two rounds down and one to go. But before we do, tell me what brand of dogfood makes the best mattress for nude sleepers.
Round 3
Monterey PD says Joel Patrick Welles spent Friday trying to cash a $5,000 check “from his mother‑in‑law” on a closed account, making the rounds at multiple banks and even trying to use it for a big purchase at Landers.
I mean, can you blame him? Times gettin hard out here, man!
Well, that didn’t work and officers soon went to his house to talk.
But instead of stepping out on the porch like a normal human being, Welles ran inside, slammed the door, and yelled that he had a pew pew and would “drop them on the porch.”
Officers forced the door open, and Welles fought all three of them right there in the doorway before being taken down, cuffed, and hauled to Jail.
He’s now looking at forgery and resisting arrest with a total bond of $16,600, which is a *little* over 3 times the amount of the original check he'd been trying to cash.
Seriously though, who still even uses checks nowadays?
Monterey PD is currently asking any other businesses he hit with that same check to contact them so they can finish connecting the dots on his little financial crime tour.
That was your daily Tennessee news roundup.
For more deep dives into local stories, watch the Patriot Punkcast on Rumble every Sunday and Wednesday at 7pm CST. Thanks for checking out our TITS — see you tomorrow!
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